On Kissing
by M.E. Magnificent Entity
Summary: MWPP-era. When Sirius insists that Hufflepuffs are the best kissers, both Peter and James set out to prove him wrong... with Remus as the innocent victim. Slash. COMPLETE


This is actually an excerpt from a much longer story (dubbed "The Evil Fic That Will Not Die") that I started on last year, but which was unfortunately rendered completely AU by OotP (sadness), so I probably won't finishing it. I don't think there's anything you really need to know about that fic to understand this. You may, however, get a few shocks from some of the stuff in here ; )

Oh, and yes! This is _slash_! So if that's not your cup of tea, go read something else : P

While Romulus (who never actually appears here) is mine, everyone else as well as everything Harry Potter related belongs to J. K. Rowling, as well as various companies whose names I don't remember. I just like borrow it all for some good old fashioned non-profit fun : )

**On Kissing**  
By M.E.

They were sitting on the grass around an oak tree not from the edge on the lake. James was leaning back against the tree, his tongue sticking out between his lips as he tried to write a poem for Lily. Peter was next to him, reading over his shoulder and making the occasional disparaging remark, like---

"'Your eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad.' Oh yeah, like _that's_ romantic, Prongs."

"I can't help it if I'm not good at mushy stuff! Anyway, what about that Ravenclaw Muggle-born who compared her boyfriend's eyes to the color of potassium permanganate?" James shot back defensively.

"Well, she's just disturbed. All I'm saying is that it sounds like a first year desperately grabbing at any phrase as long as it rhymes," grumbled the blonde boy.

Lying on the grass a few feet away in the sun, Sirius chuckled. James glared at him. "What's so funny?" he snapped.

"You two, worrying about poems and what is or isn't romantic. I'm glad _I_ don't have to worry about anything like that."

Remus made a choking noise and nearly spilled his ink bottle on the Defense Against the Dark Arts assignment he was completing. Leaning forward, Peter gave the werewolf a careful look. "You all right there, Remus?"

Before Remus could answer, Sirius spoke up. "Oh, he's just upset because I'm snogging a Hufflepuff."

"God, Sirius... I really _don't_ want to hear any of the details about what you and Romulus do" Remus groaned, burying his head in his arms.

"Like I said," Sirius said airily as he rolled onto his stomach, "jealous. Everyone knows that all the really good kissers are in Hufflepuff. And I'm the only one here who is getting any of the black and gold magic."

This produced cries of alarm and outrage from the three Gryffindors as they stared at the Slytherin in their midst. "Take it back," growled James.

"What? That Hufflepuffs are the best at snogging? I will most certainly not, it's the complete truth." Here Sirius sat up and started ticking points off on his hands. "Right. Ravenclaw first. Elizabeth Absque kisses like a suction charm and Speculum doesn't even know the meaning of the word 'tongue.' Regarding Slytherin, I think that I speak from experience when I say that we don't have any idea about what we're doing. Have you ever _seen_ Morwen and Ken making out?! Ewww..." Sirius shuddered and made a face. "And you Gryffindors! Yech. I don't even want to think about it."

Peter frowned. "Sirius, have you ever even _kissed_ a Gryffindor?" he asked dangerously.

Sirius gulped, suddenly realizing the danger he had just gotten himself into. _Three Gryffindors... one Slytherin. Fool, what have you done?!_ "Um, ah... that is..." he said weakly.

There was a decidedly vicious gleam to James' eyes as he put aside his quill and rubbed his hands together. "You can't make the conclusion that Hufflepuffs are the best if you haven't kissed at least one person from each house, Sirius." His eyes searched the area, looking for some poor and unsuspecting Gryffindor to set on Sirius.

Whimpering, Sirius launched to his feet and ran to hide behind Remus, who had returned to his homework. "Save me from the evil people, Moony!"

"Why? You brought it upon yourself. You should have known better than to bring up houses," Remus replied amicably, dipping his quill in his ink bottle.

"And you're supposed to be defending me! I'm dating your brother, for Merlin's sake!" said Sirius.

"So go ask Romulus to save you."

"He's in class, Remus..."

Unnoticed by Remus and Sirius, James' eyes had suddenly lit up. He gave Peter a look, raising his eyebrows, and the other boy smiled, grabbing Sirius' collar and dragging him closer to the tree. James mirrored the blonde's actions, only with Remus instead. "Remus, you have to kiss Sirius -- we have to prove once and for all that Gryffindors are just as good at kissing as Hufflepuffs."

"What?! No! You do it, it's your argument, James." Remus pushed at the black haired Gryffindor, trying to escape.

"No, you have to be the one to do it, Remus! See, Paddy here is used to kissing Romulus, and since you and he are identical twins, you should be able to kiss at least as good as he does," James explained, obviously quite proud of this bit of logic. He turned to Peter, "Am I right or what?"

A solemn look on his face, Peter nodded. "You're right"

"See, you have to!"

As Peter's grip on his collar loosened, Sirius sat up straight. This was getting rather interesting, in his opinion. Personally, he thought that James was trying to get Remus to open up more. The werewolf absolutely refused to try to date anyone on the grounds that he would be lying to them by omission, since he couldn't very well _tell_ whoever he dated about his... affliction. Right now Remus was putting together a very good counter argument.

"If I didn't know any better, Peter," Sirius piped up, "I'd think that Moony here is afraid that I'll find out that he can't snog worth beans."

"I think you're right, Sirius," Peter said, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "I guess he's just a big chicken."

Remus turned away from James in order to glare at the other two boys, then said stubbornly, "Taunt all you like -- I'm still not going to do it."

James, Sirius, and Peter all exchanged looks over Remus' head. Obviously they were going to have to resort to drastic measures. That is to say, bribery. "I'll do your project for Professor Araceae," said James slyly. It was common knowledge that Remus had been dreading the end-of-term project that had been assigned for Potions, his worst subject. Immediately, Remus stopped struggling against James' grip on his collar.

It was obvious that Remus was weighing the benefit of passing Potions with relatively good marks against the embarrassment of kissing his best friend -- who also happened to be his brother's boyfriend -- once. Growling, he glared at James, "All right, I'll concede to this silly venture." He then surged forward and, after pushing Peter out of the way, pressed his lips against Sirius'.

For a moment, Sirius was stiff with shock; he had never expected Remus to give into James' demands. Then he relaxed and opened his mouth as his eyes slid shut. He was surprised again when he felt Remus' tongue in his mouth, but soon he just stopped thinking.

Some part of him registered that this was very different from kissing Romulus. Where Romy was sweet and tender, Remus was hot and explosive, aggressive and passionate. He even smelled and tasted different from his twin. Sirius breathed in evergreens and damp earth, tasted cool spearmint and bitter lime. It was nothing like Romulus, who smelled like musty books and tasted of cinnamon tea.

When Remus finally drew back, Sirius was panting for breath. James, who had been watching the entire spectacle, was staring at Remus, eyes wide behind his glasses. Peter had a similar expression on his face, his mouth hanging open in surprise. Remus himself was ignoring the shocked looks his friends were giving him, instead reaching over to grab his Defense assignment, quill, and ink, which he proceeded to packing into his schoolbag.

At last, Sirius spoke up. "Christ, Remus... How can you be asexual and kiss like that?"

Remus ignored the question, instead taking a slip of parchment from his bag and handing it to James. "That's what I got for my Potions project. _Don't_ put it off until the last minute -- you're going to have to explain to me how you did it." He stood up, stretched, and began walking back to the castle. "I'll see you all at dinner," he called back over his shoulder.

They watched him walk away for a while in silence before James finally turned to Sirius. "Well," he asked, his throat dry, "are Hufflepuffs still the best kissers?"

Sirius tore his eyes away from Remus' retreating figure. "I... no. You know, it's probably just as well that Remus doesn't date. If anyone was kissed like that on a regular basis it wouldn't be long before they were a candidate for permanent residency at St. Mungo's."

The two Gryffindors and one Slytherin gathered together their own things, and made their way back to the castle in silence. When James and Peter did see Remus again at dinner, they didn't make any mention of what had happened earlier in the day.

---

And... that's it. It's really just one scene that can stand by itself and which I love too much to forget about entirely. Ack, ack! my first kissing scene ever! M.E. hides her face with shame.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go throw shoes at Malfoy...

**Edit:** Since readers appear to be incapable of, y'know, READING WARNINGS TALKING ABOUT AUs (for those who don't know, AU alternate universe, i.e., different from the original series), I'd like to take this time to note that yes, I know Remus didn't have a brother, and believe it or not, I already know that **Sirius was a Gryffindor**. If you want to comment, leave a constructive comment. Don't try to be a smart-ass. Or, if you must be a smart-ass might you please, _please_ employ correct spelling and grammar? Thank you. :D


End file.
